At The Water's Edge
Looking For Clues: 11. Moving Forward and Not Moving Forward.
You see this writing has come to a grinding halt. Looking For Clues has been stuck at this point for over a year now, though to be fair I haven't tried to resolve the problem in that time. (Perhaps I've been running away from it.)
What is the problem? Should I not have mention my grandmother? And her passing? I don't know.
Whatever the problem is, I'm just going to try to press on. I'm hoping that perhaps later the answer may come.
So, I had the rest of the year to revise for retaking my exams. I did a bit swimming teaching through this time too. Significantly though I had some singing lessons and learnt to play the guitar (if you can say that is what I do).
In the period immediately after my grandmother's death I discovered the book Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. This seemed to be a more straight-forward text compared to The Silva Mind Control Method, and again is one of those treasured books of mine. I'm not sure why. As I've said before, either Creative Visualization doesn't work or I'm not very good at it but I've never really had any success with it. (Until, that is, bizarrely this morning and on another occasion more recently. Unfortunately, it would be inappropriate for me to give details.) But there was something about the book, the nature of it which I liked and indeed it was the first of a few books by Shakti Gawain that I bought that have always been interesting and never a disappointment.
Also, around the time of my grandmother's death I happened upon a film called Resurrection. This was a story about a woman who had a car crash and survived and became a healer; it had much to do with the so called after-life and the "white light" people go through apparently when they encounter death. There was something about this film that appealed to me. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a comfort thing about my grandmother but there was definitely something about it.
Between this time and retaking my exams Zen And The Art of Motor Cycle Maintenance was recommended to me. It's not a particularly "spiritual" book and is quite dense but I think it told me a little about writing and our concepts of quality
Anyway, I passed the retaking of my exams. Annoyingly my push bike got stolen whilst I was in one exam. Knowing what I think I'm beginning to understand now, I wonder what that might indicate? The thought that immediately springs to mind is not being able to move forward, i.e. I was taking my exams but not moving forward.
I guess, deep down, that was how I felt about the exams.
Although elsewhere I think the singing lessons and guitar playing were big steps forward.
